Monday, February 1, 2010

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus!!

Todays sermon ladies and gentleman is a bit of a delicate subject,  recently I have been experiencing difficulties in my marriage, you see once upon a time girl meets boy decides to settle down and get married and have children and everything will be blissfully happy right?  Wrong! I am ashamed to say that before I had my children I took pity on parents of special needs children, how awful a life if you could call it that did they have with these children. I never for one moment thought that I would be in the same position as they were but here I am and I now hate to see the pitying looks you get when your child has a meltdown or has difficulties at school, the smiles that don't quite meet the eyes or worse the ones who cross the road to avoid having to deal with you at all! Its hard enough to get other people to understand it let alone your partner in all of this. This definitely can separate even the strongest of marriages, you have two choices, either you pull together and be stronger as a result of the challenge ahead of you or you fall apart and go in opposite directions.
Unfortunately it is usually the mother who ends up doing most for the child or children with special needs and the dad gets the verbal bits of what is being done to help them but we need support in order to keep us going and fight the battles that need to be fought. I am not sure if men in general get that we need someone strong and supportive that we can lean on when times get tough for us, in my case my hubbie is a wonderful dad but I am not sure he GETS IT, I think some men find it very difficult to cope with accepting that their child is different and almost go around with blinkers on until something comes to hit them over the head and it dawns on them that all is not ok. Mothers instinct is to nature and nurture and men just tag along for the ride.

Why is it that things have to be pointed out to them before they realise that something needs to be done surely its not that difficult to pick up on that you need help and support and a shoulder to cry one when things get a bit bumpy along the way. Well as this blog says they are from Mars and need that gentle nudge ( or big kick) to realise that things are not all that they seem. Marriage is tough enough without having special needs kids thrown into the mix which can stretch a relationship to breaking point and make you want to pull your hair out in frustration.

However we plod along willing to give it a go and make the best situation we can for our children, not everyone will survive their relationship and some will probably be better off for that, we all have tough times and hit rocky patches, some people will have them more than others and some are lucky that they are strong enough to survive whatever stands in their way, I plan to be the one who survives anything that stands in my relationships way but that doesn't mean it will be easy, oh no I expect lots of pitfalls along the way, and plenty of kicks up the backside for himself to remind him to GET IT!!!