The following morning I woke up in hospital with the words from the doctor the night before haunting me, 'there was obviously something severely wrong with your baby and its better that this happened now rather than deal with a disabled child later on' I didn't care what the baby would have had I still wanted my child and nothing was going to bring my baby back. I left with a heavy heart that ached for what could have been and prepared myself to greet the healthy child I already had. She didn't understand why Mummy was so sad, I finally decided I needed to kick myself up the backside and get on with it.
The docs recommended getting pregnant again straight away and thats pretty much what happened, I didn't dare allow myself to hope that this baby would stay put and worried constantly. This pregnancy however was text book, everything was perfect and due to my previous difficulties a c.section was planned because they would not risk me going into labour.
Five weeks before the birth I found out I was expecting a boy, I have to be honest and say I was dissapointed, I always saw myself as a mother of girls not boisterous energetic boys. I tried to get excited but failed miserably, of course my husband was thrilled as all men usually are when they know they have a son.
The fateful day finally came and I was gowned up and this time walked into the operating theatre, that was such a different experience to the first time and one I didn't like because I could see all the instruments fully and I began to wail with nerves, after what seemed like a eternity Kyle made his appearance into the world, he was the image of his sister and had a shock of jet black hair, well of course that explained the awful heartburn I had!! He was perfect, all seven pounds seven ounces of him and I fell in love all over again.